More Sitcom crap...

Dialogue from sitcoms that you can stop watching after the first minute...

"Well, here I am at the lovely Healing Springs Spa! I still can't believe that I won the runner-up prize of two full days here that the publishing company I work for had that contest for! I wonder... who won the grand prize of a full week?"

"Hello, Shelley..."

"Oh, hello, Prudence, my office rival! Don't tell me you're the winner of the full week spa vacation!"

"Yes, Shelly...(tosses hair disdainfully) Once again, we see, even in a contest, you always come second! Ta-ta!"

"Ooh, that-that Prudence! I hope we don't get locked into the sauna room, where after a period of snide insults and witty comebacks, she tearfully reveals that the reason for her condescending treatment of me is because she secretly admires my youth, intelligence and talent, and is too emotionally closed off to open herself up to pursuing a friendship with me! After which, I hold her in my lap and comfort her and hold out a hand of friendship to her. Of course, once we are rescued, Prudence's bitchy persona will come to the fore and afterwards, it will be like our shared moment in the sauna will have never happened!"

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"Great news, Chester!"

"Whatever could that be, Carlton, my over-sexed friend? You've found an Internet site offering 25% off Viagra?"

"Ha, ha, Chester. No, I've finally scored a date this Friday with Gretchen Olgorf, the Swedish exchange student!"

"But, Carlton... You've already got a study date this Friday with Clara Dumpty, the kind-hearted, studious girl who would be quite attractive if she didn't have her hair in a bun, and didn't wear chunky glasses, and who secretly has a crush on you!"

"Oops! And since her father is the professor of the class I need to pass this year, breaking off this study date with her will not be an option!"

"You've gotten yourself into quite a pickle, my horny friend!"

"Indeed. Say, I have an idea! If I convince Gretchen to head to the college library for a make-out session, I can juggle both dates at the same time!"

"Ooooo...And the winner for Stupidest Idea of the Year Award goes to...Carlton!"

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"Mommy, look! I made a new friend! Can we keep her?"

"Oh dear, my precocious son! Bringing a dog into the house will have to be a family discussion. We'll wait until your father comes home!"

"But mommy, where will the dog stay until then?"

"Well, you'll just have to keep her in your room until after dinner, when your father will be having his boss over. Daddy's boss is allergic to dogs! Not only that, but the sight of a starving mongrel dog eating the roast turkey I'm cooking for dinner whilst giving birth to slimy, blood and mucus covered puppies will certainly reflect poorly on your father's boss while he considers giving daddy a promotion!"

"Aw, okay. C'mon, Barfy! Let's put you in my room with the broken door knob!"

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"Hoo Dogies! Come see my latest money-makin' ider, brother Caleb!"

"Taters with gravy, brother Jethro! Yer always comin' up with money makin' iders to lift us up from our rural squalor, and we always wind up worse n' before! What hair-brained ider are you-all wastin' valuable time thet y' could be spendin' on tryin' to reapply fer welfare?"

"This-un's a winner, brother Caleb! I gots me some chemicals and a recipe I done downloaded from the intra-net-"

"The Intra-net? thet thang on the com-put-termafication device in our shared trailer?"

"Ke-rect! Anyways, I's gonna make us up a batch of what they calls, 'Crystal Meth'J! Then we's gonna sells it ter the city folks! It's a goldmine, Jethro! A goldmine!"

"Oooh... I hopes nothing bad is gonna happen from this here business venture of yourn! Like, I become hopelessly hooked on the product, smoke up the whole batch right before you gots a big deal to sell it to city folk who have made it explicitly clear that not delivering the meth when promised will result in your genitals being chopped off and fed to their Rottweiler, so you desperately try whipping up a batch of fake meth which gets our trailer blowed up, we each get extensive skin burns over 70% of our bodies, and our failure to deliver the meth to the city folks has us workin' for them as eunuchs in their crack-whore brothel..."

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"I'm home, Improbably attractive wife to whom I, a dumpy blue collar worker, am unreasonably married to!"

"Hello, my overweight, balding husband with muttonchops who wears the same flannel shirt over a white t-shirt day in and day out! My, you're home early!"

"Yes, well...I was fired from the bottle making factory that I work at!"

"Oh, goodness! Well, we have your unemployment insurance to fall back on, at least!"

"No, my wife, we do not. For you see, my sarcastic and overbearing tone which I use to great comic effect in the day-to-days of our marriage does not go over so well with the state unemployment workers, who have refused my claim!"

"Well, that's just great! Now I will spend the next twenty minutes worrying about keeping a roof over our heads and screech vile insults at you until you stomp off and hang out with your equally unattractive if slightly stupider friends in the local bar!"

"And I will counter your abuse with witty put-downs and comebacks of my own until I lose my patience and head off to the local bar, during which I will commiserate with my friends, who will remind me how precious my marriage truly is. I will then head back here to make amends, you will inexplicably fall for my overwrought hokum, we will make up, and my old boss will stop by and offer me a new job at a new bottle plant!"

"Oh, honey! I love you!"

"I love you too, darling. Now get your ass in the kitchen and fetch me a beer!"