The Best of 2011

Year in review: I'm waiting until this late in the new year to talk about the good stuff, because let's face it, all the good movies come out in the last five weeks of the year. Mainly because of the Holiday season, and when Oscar time rolls around, these films are still fresh in people's minds. As for the other forty-seven weeks of the year, well, go fuck yourself, movie-going public! Here's a quick catch-up:

Drive-Best movie of the year. Like a Michael Mann film with more depth, really. One minor quibble: Ryan Gosling plays his character as more autistic than he really should.

Rango-Good, solid animated film not by Pixar. Beautiful cinematography-in a CG film! And Johnny Depp is pitch-perfect.

Hunger- Stark film of Bobby Sands, who died of a hunger strike during the Irish Troubles. Irish filmmaker Steve McQueen is known more for installation pieces, which I haven't seen. I kinda want to see his new film, 'Shame' which also stars my man-crush Michael Fassbender. But my skin might crawl off me.

Who Is Harry Nillsson And Why Is Everyone Talking About Him? -My parents had 'Nillsson, Schmillson' on eight-track back in the day, which led me to wonder why this guy didn't get as much props as Randy Newman. (Answer: He drank himself to the brink, then managed to pull back before he died.)

Source Code- I've said all I need to say about this one. Now that 'special effects' are a given in film, we can all get back to putting the 'science' back in 'science-fiction' films...

Unstoppable - Solid, meat-and-potatoes blue collar thriller by, believe it or not, Tony Scott. No, I'm not joking. Actually, Scott the Younger is perfectly capable of directing good movies. (True Romance, Crimson Tide.) He just needs a solid script behind him.

Attack The Block- Funny, genuinely thrilling low-budget horror film out of Britain. Produced by Edgar Wright, which is why I saw it in the first place.

Exit Through The Gift Shop -'Guerrilla' artist Banksy asks the question, "Why is Banksy so popular?" Turns out Banksy doesn't know anymore than you or I would. Funny as hell, though.

Mission Impossible 4: Ghost Protocol. -Yep. Tom Cruise still runs like a girl in this one. But it's actually a well-crafted thriller. I like the bit of fakery at the beginning where we're led to believe that it's Tom Cruise who gets killed, and not some random agent of the IMF. Speaking of which, the plot of three out of four MI movies is, "Tom Cruise gets disavowed by the agency and has to clear his name." You'd think an organization which can give its field agents cool gadgets like inflatable landing pods and building climbing gloves would spend a little more money on its HR department. Or Tom Cruise's character's self-esteem is so low his relationship with the IMF is like an abusive marriage...

Cars 2 - A bad Pixar film is still a good film, by any standards. Not memorable, but not bad at all. The drawback to being Pixar is that once you become a gold standard for animated films, once you do movies like this, critics tend to act like you pooped in their cornflakes.

Hanna. -Good Soundtrack, Bad movie. By 'Bad', I mean in this case, it's a movie made by people who don't usually make this type of movie, so the beats that they hit don't jell with the audience. To be more direct: I'd rather watch a movie with Jason Flemying and his off-beat boho-hippie family as they tramp through Europe and North Africa, than this movie. There's a point where the baddies kidnap the boho family and interrogate them on Hanna's whereabouts, you hope the family gets away unscathed, but then you see the fate of the retired clown living in the abandoned fun park and you know Flemying and co. are dead meat.

Bridesmaids - Mixes the 'gross-out' comedy with the 'chick-flick'. It's funny, the characters are likable and have layers of depth to them, but the improv nature of the film just pads it out for too long. (It's two hours!) But we get to see Rod from 'The IT crowd' in a supporting role.

Worst movie of the year that was not 'Jack and Jill'. - Suckerpunch, by Zack Snyder. Mean-spirited, patronizing, have-your-cake-and-eat-it-too misogyny. Looks like it was filmed through a glass of urine, as well.

Best comics of 2011: Pincochio by Winshcluss, Hark, a Vagrant by Kate Beaton and Paying for It, by Chester Brown. I'm begrudgingly liking Craig Thompson's 'Habibi' as well.

Best T.V.: Charlie Brooker's Wipe2011 and How TV Ruined Your Life, Breaking Bad, Louie and that new dark horse candidate from Britian's ITV, Downton Abbey. Otherwise known as 'that T.V. show you recommend to your mom.'. Best documentary: the three part 'All Machines of Loving Grace' by Adam Curtis.

Best Video Game: Portal 2, in a walk. Funny, clever, and the moment you figure out how to finish a puzzle is like a rush. I'm only sorry it was so short. While I'm on topic, I got 'Skyrim' for Christmas, and it's 'Fallout' with swords and magic. I'm playing it, but it reminds me why I'm so acrimonious to the Sword-and-sorcery genre. (If I hear one more guard say, '...then I took an arrow to the knee' one more time...) Also, going on the quests within the game seems like the biggest, most frustrating chore, ever. You think you've finished one long, drawn-out quest, then sure enough, "And now you must go find this thing!" Christ. It's starting to feel more like a job than entertainment at this point...

Best new tech: The Iphone 4s. I earlier bemoaned not having a sassy robot butler/valet in this, the twenty-first of centuries. Well, guess what? The Iphone has Siri, a voice-activated search engine/assistant who finds stuff for you! She can play a song off your Itunes list, she can call up someone on your contact list, she can find stuff on the internet for you! She'll even run your copy of Angry Birds or Grand Theft Auto for you! The thing is, she's not so much 'Sassy', as she has more of the tone of a put-upon CSR who's nearing the end of her shift. So about the tenth time she tells you, "I'm sorry, I can't find that for you.", you start to think your inanimate Iphone is going to lose its temper and tell you to fuck off. She will find 'Duck Vaginas' on the internet for you, however. I'm not joking! Also: Facetime, which makes me feel like George Jetson!

Best website: RedLetterMedia. Milwalkee filmmakers Mike Stoklasa and Jay Bauman take apart movies in the most surgical and funniest format ever. (They're the ones who dissected the execrable 'Star Wars' prequels.) I'm only sorry that they don't put up their vlogs more often. Well, maybe they would if we all donate here, hm?

So, see you all next year, okay?