V for Vendetta-INT. JOEL SILVER'S OFFICE. IT IS A VAST SPACE, DEFINED BY EXPENSIVE WOOD AND CHROME FURNISHINGS. IF WE CARE TO MAKE A FILM REFERENCE, IT COULD BE COMPARED TO ELDON TYRELL'S OFFICE IN 'BLADE RUNNER' JOEL SILVER IS SITTING AT HIS DESK, MUTTERING INTO A BLUETOOTH PHONE PARKED IN HIS EAR WHILE SHOVELING HALVAH INTO HIS FAT FACE WITH HIS FINGERS.
JOEL SILVER: -and get me more halvah! (The phone beeps.) What? Who is this?
SECRETARY (V.O.) Mr. Silver, sir, it's the Wachowski brothers. They're here to pitch another script to you-
JOEL SILVER: Well, why didn't you say so, you stupid bitch! Send 'em in!
FROM STAGE LEFT ENTER THE WACHOWSKI BROTHERS, LARRY AND ANDY. BOTH MEN ARE DRESSED LIKE A HOUSE PAINTERS.
JOEL SILVER:(getting up from his desk, arms open) Guys! How ya doin! Good to see ya! Got another hit for me?
LARRY AND ANDY SIT DOWN ON THE MONSTROUS LEATHER CONTRAPTIONS WHICH WE ARE TO ASSUME ARE CHAIRS IN FRONT OF MR. SILVER'S DESK.
LARRY AND ANDY:(simultaneously) We're fine, Mr. Silver, sir. Thanks for asking!
JOEL SILVER:(nodding happily, sitting down) Good, good. You fellas hungry? Thirsty?
LARRY AND ANDY: Nope, nope.
ANDY: So anyway, Mr. Silver-
JOEL SILVER:(making supplicating gestures with his hands) Please, please! For you, today, I'm just Joel!
LARRY: Alrighty, then. Joel. So, Joel, The Andinator and me were in my game room playing 'grand theft auto:san andreas' and we were thinking-
JOEL SILVER:(interrupting)You wanna make a movie of the game! So it is written, so it is done! (scribbles on a check on his desk) I'm making out a check for you boychiks! How's fifty million dollars sound?
ANDY: Um, hold on, Joel. While we were driving C.J. through the desert, we got to talking about that graphic novel by Alan Moore and David Lloyd? You know, 'V for Vendetta'?
JOEL: Mmnooo... but take the check anyway! Hell, It's not my money, right?
THEY ALL LAUGH, THEN FALL SILENT FOR A MOMENT.
LARRY: So, like, it's this really cool comic book-
ANDY:(interrupting)Graphic novel.
LARRY:Right. Did I say 'comic book'?
ANDY: Yeparoonie!
LARRY: Oh. Anyway, it's this really neat-o graphic novel about a futuristic England where Fascists have taken over and this guy who was the victim of government experiments escapes, dresses up as Guy Fawlks-
JOEL: Who?
ANDY: Guy Faulks. He tried to blow up the British Parliment a couple hundred years ago. So this guy, called "V" dresses up as him and brings down the Fascist regime with the help of a plucky sixteen year old girl named Eve.
JOEL:(rooting around in his desk for a bottle of water) Keep talkin'!
LARRY:So we were thinkin',and it gave us the idea about doing a screenplay about this guy who escapes from a medical laboratory in the future in this like, totally totalitarian American government in the future.
ANDY: Yeah, yeah,and the experiments give this guy like, super-speed and strength, and he dresses up as Paul Revere-
LARRY:(interrupting)-and brings down the like, totally, crypto-fascist future American Government from the future with the help of this plucky sixteen year old girl named Karen.
LARRY AND ANDY SIMULTANEOUSLY: We wanna call it "The Midnight Rider".
JOEL:(opening his water bottle and taking a swig) Hmm.. (suddenly he does a spit take, looks at the water bottle, and angrily throws it at a nearby underling) THIS IS 'EVIAN', YOU STUPID SHIT! GET ME A PELLEGRINO!!(The underling rushes off.)
ANDY: See, not only is it a cool action thriller, but we figure we can take a dig at the Bush administration in a kinda oblique way!
JOEL:(scratching the bottom of his third chin) Ookaaay... Boys, are there any lesbians in this movie of yours?
LARRY: Joel! It's us!!
ANDY:(giggling and snickering under his hand) Lesbians are awesome!
JOEL:(leaning back in his chair, arms under his head, pausing to angrily snatch a bottle of Pellegrino proffered by the aforementioned underling) See, fellas. I like where you're going with this treatment. Just one thing, though...
LARRY AND ANDY SIMULTANEOUSLY AS THEY LEAN FORWARD: What?
JOEL:(takes a sip of his water before speaking as the wise voice of experience)My people tell me that 'graphic novels'(he makes the quotemarks with his fingers) are super hot right now. Hell, even girls read 'em, or so I'm told. I figure we can all just cut to the chase and do "V for Vendetta" as a movie! These 'graphic novels"(he makes the quotemarks with his fingers again) have a built-in audience! That always means mucho dinero at the box office, boys! You see?
LARRY: Mmm. I dunno, Joel. See, those Limeys Moore and Lloyd wanted it as a parable against Margaret Thatcher's Conservative government and I'm not so sure it would really translate to an American audience. Ya know?
ANDY: Besides-(pause. He looks at Larry. Larry looks at him.)
JOEL: What?
LARRY: Alan Moore's comic books have always come out bad when they translate to film. Remember "From Hell"?
ANDY: Or 'League of Extraordinary Gentlemen?"
LARRY: Or 'Constantine'?
LARRY: Moore's pretty much washed his hands of us movie types. Getting him to sign over the rights would be impossible!
JOEL:Heh,heh,heh. You two are so cute, you know that? Who published "V for Vendetta"?
JOEL SILVER: -and get me more halvah! (The phone beeps.) What? Who is this?
SECRETARY (V.O.) Mr. Silver, sir, it's the Wachowski brothers. They're here to pitch another script to you-
JOEL SILVER: Well, why didn't you say so, you stupid bitch! Send 'em in!
FROM STAGE LEFT ENTER THE WACHOWSKI BROTHERS, LARRY AND ANDY. BOTH MEN ARE DRESSED LIKE A HOUSE PAINTERS.
JOEL SILVER:(getting up from his desk, arms open) Guys! How ya doin! Good to see ya! Got another hit for me?
LARRY AND ANDY SIT DOWN ON THE MONSTROUS LEATHER CONTRAPTIONS WHICH WE ARE TO ASSUME ARE CHAIRS IN FRONT OF MR. SILVER'S DESK.
LARRY AND ANDY:(simultaneously) We're fine, Mr. Silver, sir. Thanks for asking!
JOEL SILVER:(nodding happily, sitting down) Good, good. You fellas hungry? Thirsty?
LARRY AND ANDY: Nope, nope.
ANDY: So anyway, Mr. Silver-
JOEL SILVER:(making supplicating gestures with his hands) Please, please! For you, today, I'm just Joel!
LARRY: Alrighty, then. Joel. So, Joel, The Andinator and me were in my game room playing 'grand theft auto:san andreas' and we were thinking-
JOEL SILVER:(interrupting)You wanna make a movie of the game! So it is written, so it is done! (scribbles on a check on his desk) I'm making out a check for you boychiks! How's fifty million dollars sound?
ANDY: Um, hold on, Joel. While we were driving C.J. through the desert, we got to talking about that graphic novel by Alan Moore and David Lloyd? You know, 'V for Vendetta'?
JOEL: Mmnooo... but take the check anyway! Hell, It's not my money, right?
THEY ALL LAUGH, THEN FALL SILENT FOR A MOMENT.
LARRY: So, like, it's this really cool comic book-
ANDY:(interrupting)Graphic novel.
LARRY:Right. Did I say 'comic book'?
ANDY: Yeparoonie!
LARRY: Oh. Anyway, it's this really neat-o graphic novel about a futuristic England where Fascists have taken over and this guy who was the victim of government experiments escapes, dresses up as Guy Fawlks-
JOEL: Who?
ANDY: Guy Faulks. He tried to blow up the British Parliment a couple hundred years ago. So this guy, called "V" dresses up as him and brings down the Fascist regime with the help of a plucky sixteen year old girl named Eve.
JOEL:(rooting around in his desk for a bottle of water) Keep talkin'!
LARRY:So we were thinkin',and it gave us the idea about doing a screenplay about this guy who escapes from a medical laboratory in the future in this like, totally totalitarian American government in the future.
ANDY: Yeah, yeah,and the experiments give this guy like, super-speed and strength, and he dresses up as Paul Revere-
LARRY:(interrupting)-and brings down the like, totally, crypto-fascist future American Government from the future with the help of this plucky sixteen year old girl named Karen.
LARRY AND ANDY SIMULTANEOUSLY: We wanna call it "The Midnight Rider".
JOEL:(opening his water bottle and taking a swig) Hmm.. (suddenly he does a spit take, looks at the water bottle, and angrily throws it at a nearby underling) THIS IS 'EVIAN', YOU STUPID SHIT! GET ME A PELLEGRINO!!(The underling rushes off.)
ANDY: See, not only is it a cool action thriller, but we figure we can take a dig at the Bush administration in a kinda oblique way!
JOEL:(scratching the bottom of his third chin) Ookaaay... Boys, are there any lesbians in this movie of yours?
LARRY: Joel! It's us!!
ANDY:(giggling and snickering under his hand) Lesbians are awesome!
JOEL:(leaning back in his chair, arms under his head, pausing to angrily snatch a bottle of Pellegrino proffered by the aforementioned underling) See, fellas. I like where you're going with this treatment. Just one thing, though...
LARRY AND ANDY SIMULTANEOUSLY AS THEY LEAN FORWARD: What?
JOEL:(takes a sip of his water before speaking as the wise voice of experience)My people tell me that 'graphic novels'(he makes the quotemarks with his fingers) are super hot right now. Hell, even girls read 'em, or so I'm told. I figure we can all just cut to the chase and do "V for Vendetta" as a movie! These 'graphic novels"(he makes the quotemarks with his fingers again) have a built-in audience! That always means mucho dinero at the box office, boys! You see?
LARRY: Mmm. I dunno, Joel. See, those Limeys Moore and Lloyd wanted it as a parable against Margaret Thatcher's Conservative government and I'm not so sure it would really translate to an American audience. Ya know?
ANDY: Besides-(pause. He looks at Larry. Larry looks at him.)
JOEL: What?
LARRY: Alan Moore's comic books have always come out bad when they translate to film. Remember "From Hell"?
ANDY: Or 'League of Extraordinary Gentlemen?"
LARRY: Or 'Constantine'?
LARRY: Moore's pretty much washed his hands of us movie types. Getting him to sign over the rights would be impossible!
JOEL:Heh,heh,heh. You two are so cute, you know that? Who published "V for Vendetta"?
ANDY: Um, DC comics, I think?
JOEL: And who owns DC?
LARRY:(realization dawns over him) Hey! That's right! Warner Brothers!
JOEL:(slaps the desk) So we don't even have to negotiate with him! We already own it!
ANDY: You rock, Joel!
JOEL:(chuckles)So all you scamps have to do is fit your little stab at Bush into your "V for Vendetta" screenplay and we're off to the races, as they say!
LARRY:(excitedly bouncing in his seat) Oh, man! This is gonna be great!
JOEL:(raising up one stubby finger) Just one thing, fellas. Were there any lesbians in "V for Vendetta"?
LARRY AND ANDY SIMULTANEOUSLY: You betcha!
JOEL:(standing up) Then why are we all sitting around here, then! We've got a movie to make! (Joel signs another check) Here's another check for fifty million! Now, shoo, you scalawags!
ANDY AND LARRY BOTH SPRING UP FROM THEIR SEATS, EAGER TO GET STARTED. LARRY SNATCHES THE CHECK FROM JOEL'S OUTSTRETCHED HAND.
ANDY:(hesitating) Uh, Joel. You do realize that Alan Moore will never forgive us.
JOEL:(making a dismissive gesture)Pfft. When has a writer had any power in Hollywood? You guys hear about the dumb blonde who tried to break into the movie business? She slept with the writer! I'll make up some bullshit press release about him being totally excited and send him a couple a t-shirts and maybe a check. That always shuts 'em up.
LARRY: But Joel? Doesn't our behaving like a pack of amoral rats devouring a sheep carcass sort of undermine the 'V' story of personal integrity against government oppression? In shoehorning other media into the lowest common denominator of the mainstream movie industry, aren't we in effect reducing 'graphic novel's into the 'feeder' media that intelligent comics have tried to escape from? For all but a few, "V for Vendetta" will be this overblown, effects-laden potboiler with the escapist mentality of every other movie based on a comic book that's out there. Given Hollywood's pervasive influence on the media, aren't we dissuading genuine talent from exploring the comic book as a legitimate vehicle of expression? Those selfsame people will migrate into real books, if not movies and television. In the end, aren't we ultimately doing more harm than good to our culture?
JOEL: Wh-what are you saying, Larry?
LARRY: I'm saying we want another fifty million.
JOEL: (sighs, signs another check)Fine, here you are.
LARRY AND ANDY EXIT STAGE LEFT.
FADE TO BLACK
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