1. No, he is not going to start a 'race war' once he takes office.
2. No, he is not also 'The King of Africa'.
3. Yes, as a matter of fact, it is a 'good thing' that a man in probably the most powerful political office in the world is not someone I would want to 'have a beer with'. I'd like to imagine he has better things to do than listen to me rant about comic books...
4. Yes, Rush Limbaugh's career is pretty much over at this point. He's one Vicodin overdose from a Tom Metzger tirade on his radio show.
5. Yes, it's the same with Ann Coulter. Alien Freak Porn is her only viable career option at this point.
6. No, white people, you will not have to go 'pick cotton in the fields' to make up for two hundred years of oppression. See point #1.
7. No, sorry. Racism is not officially 'over'. It will be officially over when America elects an openly gay president and the only compliant they have with him is, "So he picked that tie to go with that shirt for his inauguration?"
8. No, he is not backed by the Seven Jew Bankers Who Live In A Vault Eight Miles Below The Surface Of The Earth. Honestly, where do you come up with this?
9. No, his cabinet possibly appointing a 'Car Tsar' does not mean you'll have to exchange your SUV for a Trabant.
10. What does this mean for the Right in America? Glad you asked. Here's a breakdown of what's in store for 'em...
A) Karl Rove gets his old job back of sneaking into farmers' henhouses and sucking the yolk out of chicken eggs.
B) Bill O'Reiley manages to keep his composure for about a month, then while denouncing the administration's economic recovery plan on his show, bursts into a Tourette's-like tirade consisting of racial epithets until his manager kills the transmission. An attempt at an apology digs O'Reiley even deeper when, in his attempt to claim he was 'misquoted', proclaims that he when he said, "All niggers are faggots!", he really meant to say, "All faggots are niggers!". He is then ironically lynched immediately after the press conference.
C) Lt. Ellen Ripley shows up and blasts Ann Coulter out of the God-damned airlock, yet again.
D) Having failed Satan in his end of the deal that he made, Dick Cheney is unceremoniously sucked back to Hell.
E) Former President George Whatsisname makes history in becoming the first former president who conducts speaking engagements to have to pay people to hear him talk. Bush declares personal bankruptcy after only three stops on his infamous "My Bad" tour.
11.Yes, this will create a conundrum for political cartoonists, on account of the free ride that they've had for the past eight years.
12. Yes, the comparison to Lincoln is quite apt, considering that they both entered into a time when the economy was in the crapper, the states were divided, and the previous administration left this mess for them to clean up. If he breaks even, he'll be doing alright. Bonus: Michelle is no Mary Todd...
13. Yes, our prime minister, Stephen Harper, is, in fact, a dick.
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