"Support Our Troops"

What does that mean, anyways? 'Support Our Troops'? The implication, of course, is that we 'support our troops' in their valiant struggle against oppression and fundamentalist control in Afghanistan. (Note: Being a Canadian, I'm talking about Canadian troops in Afghanistan. Sorry, everyone else.) and if we dare question the logic in sending our soldiers off to the World's Largest Litter Box without a specific agenda or return date, we're nothing but Commie-Faggot-Pinko-Puke-Gutted-Twinkle-Toed Scumfucks Whom Should Go Back To Skulking In The Shit-Filled Caves Where Al-Quida and the Demoncrats Are All Hiding. Can't we 'support our troops' by not thinking it's a good idea to dump them in the same spot where the Mongols, the British, and the Soviets all had no luck whatsoever in making an actual country out of a largely hypothetical one? If we're going to put our soldiers in harm's way, wouldn't the best way to 'support' them be to come up with, oh, I don't know...an exit strategy?

You know, let me back up here and try and clarify that statement. 'Support our troops'. Shouldn't it be more specific? How about 'Support our Brave Troops.' Yeah, that works better. Plays on the old heartstrings a bit more. Well, I guess it implies that we've got some not-so-brave troops over there. And heck, call me an old softie, but I think we should support our less-than-brave guys there, as well. Plus, "Support our Brave Troops, but to fuck with the not-so-brave ones" doesn't have the same, simple ring to it, though.

Well, while I'm on the ol' soap box, couldn't the phrase, 'Support our brave troops' imply, 'Support our brave, white, troops', as well? Now, I may be opening a can o' worms here, but I'm pretty sure that some of the boys over there don't just go by 'Scott' and 'Gord'. I bet there's a few 'Jamal's' and 'Umberto's' over there, as well. Last I checked, Canada was a multi-cultural country, and if Sanjeep and Raoul want to sign on in under the Canadian flag, well, welcome aboard, fellas. I'll bet you a dozen Tim-bits you give Paneesh, Chang, and Kwambo their very own M-4 and a set of desert camos, they'll do just as bang-up a job over there as Rick and Rob and Mike.

Then, you've got that tricky possessive pronoun smack dab in the middle there. 'Our'. 'Support OUR troops'. See, I pay taxes in Canada, and my taxes buy Sean and Jafar their plane ride to Kabul. Shouldn't I be getting some return for my investment? We lived in a free market, last I checked. C'mon, guys! Help me out here! Bring back something for me! A shrapnel-torn prayer rug, the skull of a terrorist, gee, even a small ball of opium would do! My taxes buy your bullets! One hand washes the other, is all I'm saying...

In conclusion, if you were to ask me, 'Do you support our troops?', then, by God, I would draw myself up to my full height, take a deep breath, and say, "Yes. Yes, I support our white and non-white, stuck-in-a-moral-quagmire, brave and not-so-brave, can't-even-get-me-a-taxpayer-a-simple-car-air-freshener-that-says-visit-lovely-Kandahar, troops!"

That definitely ain't gonna fit on a bumper sticker, though.