Borat: Cultural Learnings Of America For Make Benefit Glorious Nation Of Kazakhstan

(Forward: I've been selected to host a review/response to the "Borat" movie by the Deputy Minister of Cultural Affairs in Kazakhstan, a fellow by the name of Gennedy Y. Yaktusk. Hence, my interruption of my Top Ten Movies list. Enjoy...)

Hello to all North Americans, and Alaska, too! I am Gennedy Y. Yaktusk, Head Deputy Minister of Cultural Affairs based in the very fine (and cosmopolitan!) city of Alma-ata! I hope you are doing fine, and cordially invite you all to visit our splendid homeland! This unfortunate movie starring Sascha Jew Baron Cohen, has perhaps perpetuated many vile stereotypes of my proud country. I, of course, realize it is humorous satire, and were Jew Cohen's repellent television anchorman based in say, Ashkhabad or Tashkent, I would not, how you say, "be batting an eyelid". But he presents a racist, hairy stereotype of Eastern Europe as backward, ill-bred, and overly sexyful. Such is not the case, I most hurriedly assure you! The Jew Baron Cohen displays beloved Kazakhstan as anal opening of a country with dirt, straw, in-breeding, and keeping of billy-goats on straw roofs. I chuckle in condescending manner to think of Kazakhstan being portrayed in such an ill manner.

Were you, gentle viewer, to come to visit lovely Alma-ata in the spring, you would gape and slap your forehead in astonishment! Here you will feel you are in bustling major Western city, like Berlin or London or Saskatoon! Here you see paved roads and amber streetlights in fine working order! And upon our streets you will find the young peoples with their Ipods listening to "The Jets" and "The Franz Ferdinand" while "getting down" upon the sidewalk (clear of feces, I hasten to add) with their "fresh" Nike-brand trainers. We host many Western companies here, providing cheap, industrious labour to make your Xboxes and Adidas to be enjoyed by even Negros! I, myself, am proud owner of 2001 Ford Escort with Blaupunkt stereo. So, you see, Jew Baron Cohen and director Larry Charlestein's cheap shots at small but proud Kazakhstan fail like Lesotho football club into FIFA series!

Jew Baron Cohen portrays idiot newsperson to America with fat hairy mutant producer to learn "America" from "Jew York City". This is foolish on face of it. Perhaps, if Jew Cohen stop to think of it, would not Kazakhstan have good "vibe" with America owing to our plethora of Satellite T.V.? Perhaps, in fairness, would Vice-President Richard Cheney be coming to Alma-ata to witness our modern, progressive state? (an aside: there is no "Running of the Jew" festival anywhere in Kazakhstan, on account of the last Jew report was back in 1942. Foolish.) Suddenly, he is taken by image of prominent she-male, Tommy-Lee Anderson, mistakes him for a woman, falls in love, and lies to his producer to pursue unnatural relationship with Lee-Anderson transsexual in Los Angeles.

Along the way, Borat (Jew Cohen) encounters many examples of America, where he takes cheap shots at gun owners, etiquette teachers, rodeo owners, and antique store owners. Maybe America should be protesting "Borat", instead, eh? I note with disgust the scene where Jew Cohen and fat mutant hairy producer get into "Royale Battle" in their apartment, and roll about in homo-erotic display of fat, hairy, sweaty display of hairy, fatty, fatness. I still shudder at widescreen hairy man-buttocks being offered for my supposed amusement. Finally, he is arrived in Los Angeles, and tries to "kidnap" Tommy-Lee Anderson, with expected results. He does, however, find true love with American Negro prostitute, whom he marries and takes back to homeland.

This type of humor, I am to admit, is 'hit and miss'. A sequence with White Peoples dinner club seems unnecessarily cruel, since the people who are the "joke's butt" are guilty of nothing more than your famous "Southern Hospitality." (Silly Jew Cohen! In Kazakhstan, we have much knowledge of flush toilet in which to deposit feces! Also, is proper etiquette to procure Negro prostitute after dessert!) It is one thing to mock the pompous and ignorant, like racist rodeo owner and drunken fraternity-boys who bemoan end of slavery. It is quite another to humiliate people over their need to be friendly and accommodating. Ultimately, the laughs are low indeed. Almost as low, say, as someone impersonating the fractured-English style writing of an non-native English speaker in order to review a movie.

Thank you, and good day! God Bless Kazakhstan!

(Afterword: Turns out this 'Gennedy' guy is a hoax. He tried to hook me on one of those "Nigerian 409" scams, later on. As for what I thought of "Borat", Boy, was it mean, but I laughed like an idiot through most of it. My only serious quibble- It was pretty easy to tell which encounters were scripted, and which ones were real. That kinda threw me off...)