It Ain't 'The Incal'...

El Topo (D-) Last Christmas I had caught the beginning of this and had tuned out. I recall it had made a splash when it was released in the early 70's, going from underground film festivals to becoming a staple of the midnight movie circuit. (Thanks in part to John Lennon and Yoko Ono, who financed its American distribution.) Well, I had finally decided to rent it out, mainly to see what all the fuss was about. For what it's worth, I'm not giving it a 'F' simply for the merit of it being Jodrowsky's personal vision. (As opposed to, say, some New World/ Roger Corman exploitation gore-sex fest, which it superficially resembles...)

There are films from a specific time that could have only come from that time, and when we look back on them several decades later, we think, "Well, yeah. There's a reason El Topo came from roughly the same era as say, Easy Rider and Billy Jack." All three are intensely personal visions that came about from the collapse of the Hollywood studio system, when the industry was flailing around for a new paradigm. Interesting side note: all three films have a 'Western' landscape as a backdrop.

My real beef with 'El Topo' is that because it's so tied in with Jodrowsky's personal vision, I find if you see Jodorosky's self-aggrandizing spiritual pop philosophising long-winded and tedious, (as I do) you're not likely to enjoy "El Topo" much. His movie is, in the end, a bunch of pop-culture name dropping under the guise of being deep and insightful. Personally, I'd take John Boorman's 'Zardoz' as having more depth than 'El Topo'. Imagine yourself at a
party with Jodrowsky and discussing "El Topo" with him...

"Maestro! (You'd kiss his ass in this format so's he'd acknowledge your presence...) Clearly 'El Topo' is about your personal struggle with organized religion! As well as your struggle with women's sexuality!" Jodrowsky would smile beatifically, nod, and perhaps clasp your shoulder in a paternal gesture.

"Mmm.. Perhaps, my child... Perhaps...", he'd smile enigmatically. Then he'd go off and boink your girlfriend...

On 'Gag' Cartoons of the '40's

Dissecting Humour

In this post, I'd like to take a semiotic look at 'gag' cartoons from the late 40's, back when there was a time when it was conceivable that one could earn a living as a 'gag' cartoonist. To our sophisticated tastes in this time, we might find the following cartoons, well, not 'funny'. I'll comment on the drawings in question and walk you all through the 'humour' part of it...

1) See, it's funny 'cause she's about to be brutally raped and humiliated by her boss, and because she's a stupid woman, she has to look up what her training manual has to say about it. Probably something like, "It IS kind of romantic, in a way... Lie back and enjoy it, and maybe your superior will make you his mistress or something, dear!" Haw! Stupid whore... (to be fair, the actual drawing isn't too bad...)

2) This one's funny cause he's supposed to be having sexual intercourse with his wife since it's their wedding, but--get this--he wants to go to sleep! What's even funnier is that look of disappointment on his wife's face as she realizes she's married a sexless oaf and is now trapped in a loveless marriage. Tee-Hee!

3) The humour in this one stems from the fact that she's much younger and more attractive then her decrepit, senile husband, and will soon be engaging in carnal relations with 'Joe', the moving van owner. Possibly in front of her cuckolded husband, who's shame and humiliation will manifest themselves as hot tears streaming down his face onto his exposed, withered genitals...

4) While the casual viewer might be inclined to think the humour in this stems from callous child battery, the resemblance between the painter and the battered child leads one to conclude that the child is in fact, his precious 'fruit', and his failure as a father is reflected in his look of mild bewilderment...

5) This one's pretty straight-forward. His wife fucked a black guy! Next!

6) The cartoon in question juxtaposes the mythical 'mermaid' creation with a pathetic failure of a man who lives in a boarding house with other sub-indigents. We find humour in the nonsensical pairing of a genetic atrocity without any apparent genitalia with an unattractive bachelor who ordinarily would lead a solitary life of desperate masturbation, and the occasional sordid back-alley couplings with clapped-out prostitutes...

I am left to conclude that the era in which these 'gag' cartoons were created was a joyless, hate-filled, racist, misogynistic time better confined to the dustbins of history. Also, the term, 'gag', in referring to these cartoons, meant the involuntary reflex action taken by one's stomach when viewing these drawings. As well as the act of stuffing the 'artist's' own feces-filled entrails down their gaping maws in an attempt to 'gag' their breathing and prevent them from sullying the world further with their 'gag' cartoons...

Two for April...

Grindhouse (B-) Oh, you knew I was gonna love this one, I mean, COME ON! Seriously, what's not to like? Hot girls like Rose McGowan and Zoe Bell, cameos from Bruce Willis and Kurt Russell, zombies, head-explody, entrails, car-crashes, teen-age cheerleaders split-landing on a knife, (youch!) psycho-killers fornicating a turkey with Grandma's head on the other end, soul-music soundtrack, American muscle cars...Yep.

Movies like the ones 'Grindhouse' pays homage to are intended as disposable trash, b-level is where the best of 'em winds up, and as for how low they can go... Well, down in the depths with the whale shit would not be an unfair assessment. Thing is, what we have here is the pure, unadulterated stuff of movies, the cheap thrills and, though I hate to use this phrase, 'guilty pleasures' that stuff like this can give us. So let me look at these two movies-in-one, and yadder on about 'em...

In Robert Rodriguez's 'Planet Terror', it's a plot you've seen a million times since 'Night of the Living Dead'. A secret military base lets a zombie-creating chemical loose, and the denizens of a nearby Texas town are infected. It's up to a few plucky misfits to band together to save the day, and themselves! For what it's worth, it's pretty entertaining as it is, so much so that you won't find yourself wondering, "Hey, how DID Rose McGowan fire her Leg-gun, anyways?", for about an hour after you leave the theater... Bonus points for having Marley Shelton's character's kid shoot himself with her gun after she specifically warned him to be careful with it.

As for QT's contribution, 'Death-Proof', you'll be glad to use the first half hour of this to go for a smoke and/or bathroom break. The story: Kurt Russell plays a washed-up stuntman who gets his jollies by crashing his muscle cars into other cars full of cute hipster chicks. Trouble abounds when he picks the wrong set of girls to harass... While the car chase/crash scenes are exciting, the scenes with the girls talking (and talking...and talking...and talking...) go on more than they really need to. It's like Tarantino's trying to prove how much he 'understands women'. Well, maybe he genuinely enjoys listening to women, at least more than, say, Joe Esterhaus. It's just that women in the audience are less likely to nod their heads and go, "It's like he's eavesdropping on me and my girlfriends!", then go, "Get to the fuckin' car chase, already!" Bonus points: Russell's eating the nachos, Russell shooting US a look before he goes on his initial rampage, Stunt woman Zoe Bell's eventual fate-"I'MOK!!". One minor personal technical quibble: Why use a Challenger to play 'ship's mast' when you've already got a perfectly good Mustang Mach I? The Challengers are fuckin' boats...

Little Miss Sunshine (C+) Okay indie comedy depicting a family's trip to their daughter's entry into a little girl's beauty pageant. It's more concerned with showing us how 'indie' a movie it is than depicting genuine characters, though. (Spoiler:) Older dead relatives dying on a road trip is the most overused cliche in the road trip genre; once they lose Alan Arkin, the movie just plods from point to point. I couldn't get a handle on his character, either.

First, he's the grouchy bully who flips out over his daughter-in-law's takeout chicken, then he's giving his granddaughter Movie Pep Talk #1. Worth a few laughs, overall. Mainly for Greg Kinnear's over-ambitious, under-achieving dad, and Steve Catrell's depressed gay scholar.

"PEACE AND F**K YOU! BELIEVE!"

...And now, a bit from the British T.V. comedy show, "Nathan Barley", the tale of a horrid, smug little 'media node' called Nathan Barley, and his nemesis, a writer by the name of Dan Ashcroft. In this bit, Dan is looking for a job from the editor of an "Urban Youth Lifestyle" magazine, by the name of Jonathon Yeah?. Jon is just dealing with the press over his magazine's latest issue, where they court controversy by running photos of 'underage' girls being 'molested' by the magazine editors.

Jonathon: Oh, dear. Well, I hope we haven't upset ABSOLUTELY everyone?
(pause while the person on the other end of the phone is talking)

Jonathon: For the 'new-es'? I'll do an interview at six. (He hangs up.) Good party, Dan?

Dan: (humble, embarrassed. He nods. Paper is dropping out of his jacket.)

Jonathon:(referring to the bits of paper) You're leaking.

We see bits of paper, actually the racy inserts for Jon's magazine's latest 'controversial' issue, plopping out of Dan's jacket.

Dan: Erm...Can I...I need some money...

Jonathon: Probably.

Dan: Can I do a feature?...


Jonathon puts his finger to his cheek sarcastically, looks off, then says: But, Dan...Last time I had to write it for you because you went a bit...

Not coming soon to your Non-Fiction section...

"... After the big blowout in Roddenberry's office, the mood on the set was subdued. Shortly afterwards, Shatner came up to me when we broke for lunch.

"Hey, George.", he said. "How's things?"

"Fine, I guess.", I replied.

Bill looked uncomfortable. "Say, George. About that fight you and Gene had in his office..."

"Um, yeah?"

Bill squirmed awkwardly. "Er, this isn't any of my business, I realize, but... George, are you-?". He paused.

I regarded him warily. Bill and I's working relationship was friendly but somewhat formal up to this point.

"Gay, Bill? Is that what you want to know?"

Bill shook his head nervously, waving the answer off.

"Um, really, George?"

I folded my arms, preparing for another confrontation. I wasn't about to let Shatner push me around.

"Yes, Bill. I'm gay. Don't tell me after all this time you didn't know? I mean, come on! Remember last year's wrap party? When I got blitzed on all those vodka martinis and started singing show tunes?"

Shatner winced.

"Um, George, I just wanted to say, it's okay with me if you are. I know I've gotten a rep on the set for being a overly macho jerk, and...and I just didn't want you to start thinking I was going to be rude or abusive towards you."

Well! Seems Shatner had a heart, after all!

"Er, okay. Thanks, Bill. I guess."

"Are we cool, then?"

"Sure." He sighed, relieved.

"Just one more thing?-"

"What?"

"George. Have- have you ever thought of me in a sexual way? I mean, do you find me sexually attractive?"

"WHAT?!"

"I mean, have you ever wanted to have sex with me?"

I regarded him with a blank stare.

"No, Bill. I can't ever say that I have." Bill's shoulders slumped a bit.

"Oh. Okay, George. See you later." He walked off the set with a demoralized air. This was one of the factors behind my taking the pivotal role of the South Vietnamese captain in "The Green Berets"...

-From George Takei's forthcoming biography, "I'm Here, I'm Sulu, Get Used To It!" from Notarealpublishingcompany Press.
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"...It was my last client's 'action's' that influenced my decision. I had him bound in my dungeon, begging for release. After his pleas of eternal fidelity, I graciously freed his right hand so he could 'pleasure' himself over my latex boot.

"Ohhhhh...", he gasped, as he ejaculated, ropy, yellowish goo spurting forth. Just then, the pipe cleaner I had earlier inserted popped out from his urethra like a length of pipe from an oil derrick that's struck 'black gold'.

"My goodness, Slave!", I purred. "You've got quite a powerful-" My speech was cut short by the subsequent eruption of all the Monopoly game tokens from the same orifice. They landed on the cold floor with a dull tink! one after the other.

I stammered. "I- I didn't put any Monopoly tokens up your-" In the ensuing moments, This forty-three year old project manager had ejaculated not just the pipe cleaner and six pewter game pieces, but half a Lego figure, several small marbles, and incredibly, a novelty miniature flashlight (still lit up!) , the smaller type you latch onto your key chain.

I tendered my resignation at Mistress Spank's House For Naughty Boys that very afternoon, and later, became the assistant manager at a moderately successful Starbucks coffee house in Lower Manhattan..."

-from "Now I've Seen Everything! Former Sex Workers oral history of why they left the business" by Totallymadeup Publishing.

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"...Mr. Cheney, sir?" I gulped. Mr. Cheney didn't like to get bad news.

"Well, out with it, man!", he snarled. "I won't tolerate urine-soaked vandalism's in front of my office! I need to know who peed the words, 'Dick Cheney is a fag' right there, in the fresh snow so I could obviously read it!

"Er, sir? The DNA analysis came back, and we did confirm that it is, indeed, Alberto Gonzales' urine." Mr. Cheney slumped down in his chair.

"That wetback ingrate-", he started to rant. I quickly interrupted.

"Sir, it gets worse." Cheney looked at me, aghast.

"Worse? Dear God, man! How can it get worse?"

"Our handwriting analysts indicate it's Lynne Cheney's handwriting."

The thing about Dick Cheney is, he doesn't cry like a normal person. No, he just stares off into space and makes little whimpering noises like a trapped rat..."

-From "You Don't Know Dick!" by Anonymous (a now-retired Secret Service employee) from PleaseohgoddontshipmeofftoGuantanemoBay Press.

T.V. Party tonight...

Penn and Teller's 'Bullshit!" (C+) Showtime cable show by Vegas 'post-modern' magicians Penn and Teller. It's half a debunking of pop mythologies like Bigfoot, psychics, and self-help programs. The other half is an endorsement of the Libertarian creed. Obviously, it's at its best in the former, and as for the latter part, well...

I'm of the belief that a Libertarian is just a Republican who reads too much Ayn Rand and smokes pot on the weekend, so I'm a little biased in terms of how I view this show. While their debunking of folk beliefs like psychics, pet-marketers (one show depicts a guy who sells silicone testicles to neutered dogs...) and the like is entertaining, in my case, they're preachin' to the choir. When Penn (the big loud guy who looks like he played a lot of D&D in high school) gets on the Libertarian soapbox, there's problems. Mainly 'cause they frame their cases in 'straw man' arguments...

Take, for example, the show that's pro-legalizing prostitution. On the most pragmatic level, it seems legalizing it would make a lot of sense. Sex workers would be a lot safer, their job would allow them access to health benefits and reduce the spread of venereal diseases (and possibly other bennies like pension plans), and the potential for pimps to exploit sex workers (and underage sex workers, particularly,) would drop like a stone. The thing is, in most cities, 'escort services' already provide a measure of control in that regard. ('cept for the pension plan thingy...) My understanding is the police usually turn a blind eye to escort services anyway, unless a disgruntled rival or former employee raises a stink. If we provide a controlled environment for sex workers to legally provide their services, while insisting they maintain a standard of cleanliness and sobriety, any sex workers who don't meet the criteria won't be allowed to work legitimately. However, you don't think for a minute someone who's got say, a drug habit to support isn't going to refrain from walking the streets, do you? The practical result is that any tentative experiments to legalize it in North America will end in failure; the puritans of the left and right will fight tooth and nail to stop it. All they have to do is show the facts that the sex workers most in need of protection, the diseased, the addicts, the just plain desperate, won't get the support that they need.

Well, I'm starting to rant, so I'd better wrap this up. In spite of my whinging, Penn and Teller are pretty entertaining in delivering their message. Overall, it's worth a look, especially if you're a Libertarian.

The Sarah Silverman Program (C+) Absurd sitcom depicting the day-to-day shenanigans of comic Sarah Silverman. The humour is derived from the fact her character is the most spoiled, selfish, egomanical, lazy person this side of Eric Cartman. The jokes are pretty hit-or-miss, mostly on the hit side. She's an appealing comic, though I'd like to see just once in the show to have one of the other characters rip on her for being such a jerk. As a "Mr. Show" fan, it's nice to see alumni like Brian Posehn and Jill Telley make appearances, though. (One character wears a 'Titanica' t-shirt.) For what it's worth, my favorite bit of hers that she ever did was on the movie, "The Aristocrats", where she relates the anecdote that her family came to fame performing the dreaded 'routine' of that venerable comic joke. Sarah reveals that Joe Frankin used to 'help' her over the more difficult bits, going so far as to stand in for Sarah's other family members...

"Joe Franklin RAPED me!"

Leni Reifenstahl's Bastard Grandkid

300 (C) I went in wanting to hate this movie, but it's too technically proficient for me to do so. On the other hand, my conscience won't let me rate it any higher than a 'C'. If I had to sum it up in a single sentence, I'd say that it's the type of film the fresh-faced teens from Paul Verhoven's "Starship Troopers" would be allowed to see as state-sanctioned entertainment.

Not that I think director Zack Snyder and writer Frank Miller are closet Nazis or anything like that. I believe that Miller's original intent was to pay tribute to the concept of ultimate sacrifice in a historical context, (the Spartan battle at the Hot Gates of Thermopylae) and Snyder saw an opportunity to shoot some wicked cool sword-and-sandal fight scenes in a CGI setting where he literally has dominion over every rock face and blade of grass in the film. The problem is, in the present context, the audience has no choice but to view this film as pro-Iraq war propaganda. And because Snyder and Miller ignore or gloss over some of the more unsavory aspects of classical Sparta, (state-sanctioned homosexuality and pederasty, Sparta's warrior elite supported by a massive Greek slave caste, the fact that the 'boy-loving, ho,ho' Athenians won the war at sea later.) the viewer has no choice but to come to this conclusion.

In the context of the film, King Leonidas' (Gerald Butler) sacrifice seems pointless, since the best he can hope for is to stall the Persians advance a few days. The film has an added sub-plot not in Miller's original comic about Queen Gorgo's (Lena Headly) attempt to rally the other Spartans to aid her husband. The thorn in her side in this case is a Spartan diplomat who's made a deal with the Persians behind everyone's back to undermine the Spartan defense. Interesting to note, he's got a little hipster-left-wing soul patch, which ties him into the Democrat's anti-war stance. No, I don't think that was intentional either, but again, the movie doesn't leave us any choice but to think otherwise...

For what it's worth, Zack Snyder's direction is genuinely thrilling, especially in the battle sequences, which come across as both violent and bloodless, the CG spurts of black-red gore notwithstanding. If he'd shown the same level of sadism that was in Robert Rodriguez' 'Sin City', the movie would be unwatchable. The thing with CGI film making of this level, (and Sin City) is how it flattens out actor's performances. You can imagine the computer artists feverishly pixeling out Butler's spittle flying from his mouth during his speeches. If you've got a bone for comic-to-film translations, however, this movie is about as good as it gets.

As for Frank Miller...Well, if I didn't know of his stature in the comic-book community, I'd swear between this and Sin City that he was a nineteen year old nerd who got basketballs bounced off his head in gym class. (with all the hyper-macho posturing in these two movies, I'd also say he didn't have much luck getting dates, and felt 'funny' in the high school locker room getting changed around the beefy jock students...) He used to have a sense of proportion in his earlier comic work, up until 'The Dark Knight Returns'. All his post-Dark Knight stuff has a joyless, spiteful edge to it, like a surly teenager cursing up a storm after a parent tells him to watch his mouth.

It turns out my earlier jokey post about this movie appealing to gay men and single women in their thirties was dead-on, since in my circle of personal acquaintances, that's who seems to be most stoked about seeing it. I predict if it stays at the top of the box office for more than a few weeks, you'll be seeing a lot of gay porno with a 'classical Spartan' theme...("What ho, Diogestes! Say, my codpiece is loose! Be a sweetie and fix that for me, will you? My hands are full with my spear and shield!" "Ooooh, cheeky!" [cue crappy house music...]) The irony is that gay porn would be oddly more historically accurate than "300".

You know, there's a case to be made for films that explore the nature of war, from "All Quiet on the Western Front" down to "Flags of our Fathers". But this isn't that type of film. Even if it wasn't Snyder and Miller's intention, it's closer in tone to Leni Reifenstahl's 'Triumph of The Will', than Rudolph Mate's 1962 sword-and-sandals b-movie, 'The 300 Spartans'. I didn't hate it, but it didn't really thrill me in the way a hack-and-slash entertainment should, either. Given what we know about Sparta's treatment of its massive slave class, Leonidas' spittle-filled diatribes about how 'FREEDOM ISN'T FREE' (yeah, he says that...) rings really hollow. In this case, a little more historical accuracy would've made for a deeper, richer movie. Maybe in the future we'll see a more mature treatment of this battle. (Stephen Pressman's Gates of Fire comes to mind.) But I wouldn't hold my breath.

While I'm here, I might want to point out another observation of mine. That is, movies based on comics don't generate new comic readers, as much as comics generate more fodder for movies and T.V. to graze from. Once Hollywood gets a string of duds from the 'movies-from-comics' pool, they'll go back to more traditional inspiration. I'm picking Snyder's upcoming adaptation of 'Watchmen' to start the downturn. It'll come out about the time "The Sub-Mariner" hits theaters, presumably...