Tuesday, January 31, 2012

John's DVD pick of the week (1/31/12)

Well it's Tuesday. This week 2 of my top 25 movies come out this week, but only one made the top ten, that movie is.

Drive

That's right the Ryan Gosling Action film is my pick this week. The other film in my top 25 this week is the Sci-fi thriller In Time. The other two big releases are the Horror remake The Thing and the thriller Dream House. I did not see either of these. 

My vintage pick is, in honor of this week's release of Chronicle is a found footage film similar to this it's called Cloverfield. It's an awesome film and you should see it.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

The Legend of Bagger Spade*

 Please allow me to introduce myself.  I'm a man of wealth and f....wait.  Wrong intro. 

My name is Tommy.  And I'm addicted to smart man-bags.  And bargains.  When the two worlds collide, I'm positively giddy.  Recently I found this black Jack Spade tote at UAL here in Nashville. 
It still had the original tag, showing that it once required two hundred and ninety-five dollars to call someone Daddy (or Mommy).  The store's price was around eighty.  Ever the savvy shopper, I pointed out to an associate that it lacked the all-important shoulder strap.  I carried it out of the joint for around sixty.

*Do I usually reach my goal of having completely corny blog post titles?

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

John's DVD pick of the week (1/24/12)

Well it's Tuesday and I need to let go of some steam, This week I chose a film in my top 5 its...

50/50
That's right the cancer comedy/drama was my pick this week. The other two big releases this week were Paranormal Activity 3 And the robot flick Real Steel. I saw the former and its worth a rent, but I have not seen the latter.

My vintage pick is, in honor of This weeks release of One For The Money are a trio of Katherine Heigl films I actually like they are 27 Dresses, Knocked Up, and The Ringer, all three are worth a look.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Bossypants

You may be wondering what took me so long to read this book.  Well, it took a while to obtain it from the library.  But I'm glad I did.  It's smart, honest, and laugh-a-minute.  There's not much else I can say about Tina Fey, but this excerpt (from page 92) about her vacation on a cruise gives a good idea of what to expect:

It is worth noting that at this time, I had been doing Weekend Update on Saturday Night Live for two full seasons.  I am not recognized by anyone.  Well, I am recognized by the guy who refills the soft-serve ice cream machine by the pool, but not for being on TV, just for lingering.  For O!  The desserts!  Rows and rows of pastries laid out cafeteria-style.  Some of them are unidentifiable squares of pink stuff.  I think we called it junket back in the seventies.  They don't taste good; but like a schoolboy at his first coed dance, I am drawn not so much by their beauty as by their unlimited quantities.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

69th annual Golden Globes winners

Best Supporting actor in a movie: Christopher Plummer- Beginners,
Best Actress in a tv series comedy or musical: Laura Dern- Enlightened, 
Best Mini Series or tv movie- Downton Abbey, 
Best Actress in a mini series or tv movie:
Kate Winslet- Mildred Pierce Best Actor in a TV series Drama- Kelsey Grammer- Boss,
Best TV Series Drama- Homeland,
Best Original Score- The Artist,
Best Original Song- Masterpiece, W.E. Madonna, 
Best Actor in a MinI Series or TV Movie: Idris Elba- Luther, 
Best Actress in a motion picture Musical or Comedy: Michelle Williams- My Week with Marilyn, 
Best Supporting actor in mini series, tv movie or television series: Peter Dinklage- Game of Thrones, 
Best Animated Feature- The Adventures of Tin Tin, 
Best Screenplay- Midnight in Paris, 
Best Supporting Actress in a mini series, TV movie or TV series:Jessica Lange- American Horror Story,
Best Foreign Film- A Seperation, 
Best Actress in a TV series Drama: Claire Danes- Homeland, 
Best Actor in a TV series Comedy- Matt LeBlanc- Episodes, 
Best Supporting Actress in a Motion PIcture: Octavia Spencher- The Help, 
Best Director: Martin Scorsese- Hugo, 
Best TV show Comedy or Musical- Modern Family, 
Best Actor Motion Picture comedy or musical- Jean Dujardin, 
Best Actress in a motion picture Drama: Meryl Streep- The Iron Lady, 
Best Picture Comedy or Musical- The Artist, 
Best Actor in a motion picture Drama: George Clooney- The Descendants, 
Best Motion PIcture Drama- The Descendants

The Best of 2011


Year in review: I'm waiting until this late in the new year to talk about the good stuff, because let's face it, all the good movies come out in the last five weeks of the year. Mainly because of the Holiday season, and when Oscar time rolls around, these films are still fresh in people's minds. As for the other forty-seven weeks of the year, well, go fuck yourself, movie-going public! Here's a quick catch-up:

Drive-Best movie of the year. Like a Michael Mann film with more depth, really. One minor quibble: Ryan Gosling plays his character as more autistic than he really should.

Rango-Good, solid animated film not by Pixar. Beautiful cinematography-in a CG film! And Johnny Depp is pitch-perfect.

Hunger- Stark film of Bobby Sands, who died of a hunger strike during the Irish Troubles. Irish filmmaker Steve McQueen is known more for installation pieces, which I haven't seen. I kinda want to see his new film, 'Shame' which also stars my man-crush Michael Fassbender. But my skin might crawl off me.

Who Is Harry Nillsson And Why Is Everyone Talking About Him? -My parents had 'Nillsson, Schmillson' on eight-track back in the day, which led me to wonder why this guy didn't get as much props as Randy Newman. (Answer: He drank himself to the brink, then managed to pull back before he died.)

Source Code- I've said all I need to say about this one. Now that 'special effects' are a given in film, we can all get back to putting the 'science' back in 'science-fiction' films...

Unstoppable - Solid, meat-and-potatoes blue collar thriller by, believe it or not, Tony Scott. No, I'm not joking. Actually, Scott the Younger is perfectly capable of directing good movies. (True Romance, Crimson Tide.) He just needs a solid script behind him.

Attack The Block- Funny, genuinely thrilling low-budget horror film out of Britain. Produced by Edgar Wright, which is why I saw it in the first place.

Exit Through The Gift Shop -'Guerrilla' artist Banksy asks the question, "Why is Banksy so popular?" Turns out Banksy doesn't know anymore than you or I would. Funny as hell, though.

Mission Impossible 4: Ghost Protocol. -Yep. Tom Cruise still runs like a girl in this one. But it's actually a well-crafted thriller. I like the bit of fakery at the beginning where we're led to believe that it's Tom Cruise who gets killed, and not some random agent of the IMF. Speaking of which, the plot of three out of four MI movies is, "Tom Cruise gets disavowed by the agency and has to clear his name." You'd think an organization which can give its field agents cool gadgets like inflatable landing pods and building climbing gloves would spend a little more money on its HR department. Or Tom Cruise's character's self-esteem is so low his relationship with the IMF is like an abusive marriage...

Cars 2 - A bad Pixar film is still a good film, by any standards. Not memorable, but not bad at all. The drawback to being Pixar is that once you become a gold standard for animated films, once you do movies like this, critics tend to act like you pooped in their cornflakes.

Hanna. -Good Soundtrack, Bad movie. By 'Bad', I mean in this case, it's a movie made by people who don't usually make this type of movie, so the beats that they hit don't jell with the audience. To be more direct: I'd rather watch a movie with Jason Flemying and his off-beat boho-hippie family as they tramp through Europe and North Africa, than this movie. There's a point where the baddies kidnap the boho family and interrogate them on Hanna's whereabouts, you hope the family gets away unscathed, but then you see the fate of the retired clown living in the abandoned fun park and you know Flemying and co. are dead meat.

Bridesmaids - Mixes the 'gross-out' comedy with the 'chick-flick'. It's funny, the characters are likable and have layers of depth to them, but the improv nature of the film just pads it out for too long. (It's two hours!) But we get to see Rod from 'The IT crowd' in a supporting role.

Worst movie of the year that was not 'Jack and Jill'. - Suckerpunch, by Zack Snyder. Mean-spirited, patronizing, have-your-cake-and-eat-it-too misogyny. Looks like it was filmed through a glass of urine, as well.

Best comics of 2011: Pincochio by Winshcluss, Hark, a Vagrant by Kate Beaton and Paying for It, by Chester Brown. I'm begrudgingly liking Craig Thompson's 'Habibi' as well.

Best T.V.: Charlie Brooker's Wipe2011 and How TV Ruined Your Life, Breaking Bad, Louie and that new dark horse candidate from Britian's ITV, Downton Abbey. Otherwise known as 'that T.V. show you recommend to your mom.'. Best documentary: the three part 'All Machines of Loving Grace' by Adam Curtis.

Best Video Game: Portal 2, in a walk. Funny, clever, and the moment you figure out how to finish a puzzle is like a rush. I'm only sorry it was so short. While I'm on topic, I got 'Skyrim' for Christmas, and it's 'Fallout' with swords and magic. I'm playing it, but it reminds me why I'm so acrimonious to the Sword-and-sorcery genre. (If I hear one more guard say, '...then I took an arrow to the knee' one more time...) Also, going on the quests within the game seems like the biggest, most frustrating chore, ever. You think you've finished one long, drawn-out quest, then sure enough, "And now you must go find this thing!" Christ. It's starting to feel more like a job than entertainment at this point...

Best new tech: The Iphone 4s. I earlier bemoaned not having a sassy robot butler/valet in this, the twenty-first of centuries. Well, guess what? The Iphone has Siri, a voice-activated search engine/assistant who finds stuff for you! She can play a song off your Itunes list, she can call up someone on your contact list, she can find stuff on the internet for you! She'll even run your copy of Angry Birds or Grand Theft Auto for you! The thing is, she's not so much 'Sassy', as she has more of the tone of a put-upon CSR who's nearing the end of her shift. So about the tenth time she tells you, "I'm sorry, I can't find that for you.", you start to think your inanimate Iphone is going to lose its temper and tell you to fuck off. She will find 'Duck Vaginas' on the internet for you, however. I'm not joking! Also: Facetime, which makes me feel like George Jetson!

Best website: RedLetterMedia. Milwalkee filmmakers Mike Stoklasa and Jay Bauman take apart movies in the most surgical and funniest format ever. (They're the ones who dissected the execrable 'Star Wars' prequels.) I'm only sorry that they don't put up their vlogs more often. Well, maybe they would if we all donate here, hm?

So, see you all next year, okay?

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Thursday, January 12, 2012

A Storybook Winter

JK.  This winter is more like Florida-lite.  But I did quite enjoy the e-mail ad I received today from Cole Haan, where, incidentally, I'm almost sure I spotted Ludacris a few weeks ago.


*Note: I actually received the e-mail two days ago, when I tried to do this post.  But Blogger was not cooperating.  Also, it is now snowing.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

John's DVD pick of the week (1/3/12)

Well happy new year to all, This week I chose an underrated mainstream gem it's...

Contagion

That's right the Steven Soderbergh disease thriller is my pick this week. Also getting a thumbs up this week are the Chris Evans drama Puncture, and the Brendan Gleeson comedy The Guard. Also out this week is the descent horror flick Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark, the horrendous Shark Night 3D (which was my fifth worst film of the year if you did not see my list), and the Sarah Jessica Parker comedy I Don't Know How She Does It, which I did not see.

My vintage pick is... In honor of this week's release of The Devil Inside is another movie on exorcisms, it's The Last Exorcism, see it if you have a chance. 

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

34 Year Old Man busted after exposing privates in front of Chipmunk movie






Kids and parents who paid admission to see a movie about three shipwrecked chipmunks on Dec. 29 at the North Riverside Park Mall's Classic Cinemas theater, 7501 Cermak Rd., got a bonus show that afternoon - one that landed a 34-year-old Chicago man in Cook County Jail.
About a half hour into the 4 p.m. showing of the kiddie feature Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, police say an entirely naked Edward L. Brown stood up from his seat in the front row, faced the crowd of 86 theater-goers, stretched out his hands and displayed his genitalia for all to see before sitting back down to enjoy the movie.
Two North Riverside police officers, who were patrolling inside the mall, responded to the scene within a minute, ordered Brown to put his clothes back on and, without further incident, escorted him out the fire entrance and away from those who remained inside the theater.
The theater manager, meanwhile, stopped the film and offered refunds or vouchers to another show for those who were in the theater at the time of the incident.
According to the police report, Brown told officers that he had been let inside the movie theater for free by an unknown female who allegedly told him to have a seat in the front row of the theater, take off his clothes and wait for her, so they could have sex, smoke crack and do heroin.
At a hearing on Dec. 30 at the Maybrook courthouse, a Cook County judge set Brown's bail at $100,000. He remains in custody, charged with three felony counts of sexual exploitation of children, aged 4, 6 and 6; one misdemeanor count of sexual exploitation of a minor aged 14; and one misdemeanor count of disorderly conduct.
Brown has another court date on Jan. 9 at Maybrook.




John's Two cents: This guy is a disgusting piece of shit. I wanna hit him with a baseball bat. 

2012 is the Year to Max it Out

It's a great time of year, of course.  Despite the holiday bloat and that whole confused/back-to-work thing, doesn't it feel like an excellent time for new possibilities?!

I know I've posted about IRAs before, but it's prime time to take another glance.  This is a graphic that I scanned from Real Simple (December 2011) and then altered, color-wise, through Picnik.com.  It started out green (apropos, non?), but the invert feature gave this cool purple and blue combo.  This version is also a bit easier to read.  You can also click the graphic to enlarge it a bit.  Eye strain is never specs-y, peeps.

Anywho, open an IRA.  Contribute to it.  Enjoy it later.  You'll be so glad that you did.  And the earlier you start, the more monies you will earn.  Consider dollar cost averaging, per Suze.

Happy New Year!

And now for the worst.

Every movie we see is not a masterpiece, some movies are just pieces of shit. These were the tewn worst films of the year

10. I Am Number Four

9. Red Riding Hood

8. Hanna 

7. Transformers: Dark Of The Moon

6. Green Lantern

5. Shark Night 3D

4. Jack & Jill

3. Munger Road

2. Spy Kids: All The Time In The World

AND THE WORST MOVIE OF THE YEAR IS


1. Justin Bieber: Never Say Never.