Who Watches the...meh...

"Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen it's true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout, "Save us." ...and I'll look down and whisper "No."
- Rorschach's opening monologue from the comic, 'Watchmen'


"If you approach comics as a poor relation to film, you are left with a movie that does not move, has no soundtrack and lacks the benefit of having a recognizable movie star in the lead role."
-Alan Moore, writer of the comic, 'Watchmen'

For my own part, I'm gonna see the movie version of 'Watchmen' when it comes out next March. (Presuming that Fox and Warner Brothers resolve their legal differences over the movie by then...) However, I don't expect it to be anything more than a 'not funny' version of The Incredibles. (or 'The Tick', or 'Venture Brothers' or 'Dr. Horrible's Sing-along Blog' or...) One indicator that a studio doesn't have a lot of faith in a movie like this is the casting of relative no-name actors. (Billy Crudup as Dr. Manhattan is the only actor on the roster I'm really familiar with. There's also Carla Gugino, from 'Spy Kids' and Malin Akerman, who's highest profile parts so far are as a hillbilly's over-sexed wife in "Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle" and the Farrelly brother's execrable remake of Neil Simon's "The Heartbreak Kid", where she plays Ben Stiller's shrewish bride. Not a good sign.)

As an unabashed comic nerd, you'd think, that on the surface, I'd want to see a movie based on an entertaining comic book. Wouldn't the fact that a mainstream medium was acknowledging my sophomoric interests by validating my previously sad-ham-with-failure-gravy of an existence? You'd think I'd want to see, say, Daniel Day-Lewis degrade himself by emoting lines like, "You'll pay for killing those orphans, Dr. Despair!" And ninety minutes of CGI explosions, giant metal robots, and lady pirate Amazon ninjas. With big, bouncy boobies?

Hold on.

To paraphrase Laurie Anderson, making a movie based on a comic is a little like dancing about architecture. That is, while in a comic the reader can go back to a previous page if they so wish, a movie can only go foreward in time, and has a limited space to tell its story. (Could, say, Chris Ware's comics be translated to film?) Like Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, the transfer of a specific medium-comics- to another specific medium- film- changes the nature of the thing being transfered. I'm getting a little pretentious here, so let me pull back a bit.

Film, in the commercial sense, is a medium that takes from other mediums and doesn't give back to them. Put it this way: If you've seen the 'Godfather' trilogy, you're not likely to seek out original author Mario Puzo's other works, like 'The Sicillian', for instance. And in the mainstream comics world, the X-men franchise hasn't seen an appreciable increase in sales owing to the recent movies. And why would they? If you are so inclined to seek out the X-men comics, you'll find yourself wandering into a narrative morass that only hours of reading on Wikipedia will enable you to unravel.

And in the case of Moore and Dave Gibbons' Watchmen, the level of reference is so convoluted in terms of a narrative, it demands you go back and read it again and again to discover more meaning in the comic. For instance, we notice early on that a random nutcase on the streets of New York is, in fact, the sociopathic vigilante called Rorschach. Little details like airships floating in the background, and the egg-like design of cars, as well as the cigarettes some characters smoke add to bigger details like Dr. Manhattan's influence on American society in this time, as well as the integration of Vietnam as the 51st state. Trying to shoehorn these details into a movie will make the movie's narrative clumsy and full of odd expositional dialogue.

I can only imagine Warner Brothers is hoping they'll cover the movie's costs with its theatrical release, and make money on DVD sales. (Director Zack Snyder talks about the cornucopia of extras that'll be on the DVD.) The whole experience is an attempt to wring as much money out of that particular sponge.

The line of thinking seems to be, "If Warner Brothers make a movie of 'Watchmen', movie-goers will be inspired to seek out the original graphic novel, and Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons will get more exposure as artists, and this will inspire them to create more and better works in the comic genre."

No, it won't. For one thing, DC comics is owned by Warner Brothers, and Moore and Gibbons were treated rather shabbily by DC when they signed the deal to do 'Watchmen'. (One of the main points of their contract was that the rights would reverse to Moore and Gibbons once Watchmen went out of print for a few years. Well, twenty-two years later, we see how useful that clause was to Moore and Gibbons. It's like they're being punished for doing superlative work...) As a result, Alan Moore refuses to work for DC anymore. What's going to happen is that the movie comes out, thousands of internet nerds bitch and argue how disappointing it is, and maybe DC pushes a couple of thousand copies extra of Watchmen over the time period. Not that either Moore or Gibbons would materially benefit from any of it, mind you.

So in an odd way, this legal battle between Fox and Warner Brothers is a good thing. Consider this: The movie's been made, and everyone who's worked on it has been paid for their work, presumably. (The only downer is that people like Snyder and the producers won't see any extra money on it if it never gets released.) If it never sees the light of day, the beetle-browed denizens of the internet who are bitching about it, like,er, me, get their wish of never having a solid work degraded to another, more popular medium. The internet nerds who want to see it get to speculate endlessly about what kind of movie it could be, and argue with each other about who'd be a better casting decision in what particular role. Everybody wins.

Well, not Alan Moore. If he put his name on the movie, he'd be decried as a sell-out who abandoned his principles for a few dollars. And if the movie tanks, he'd be the one taking the blame. ("Alan Moore's seminal 'Watchmen' flops at the box office...") And if it makes bank, Warner Brothers is going to jump to the head of the parade float, taking all the credit. ('Zack Snyder's adaptation of the ground-breaking comic, 'Watchmen' creeps up on last year's 'The Dark Knight' in terms of ticket sales...")

Mad Men backlog...

"The Gold Violin" Ep. 7

The episode's title refers to the title of the short story Ken Cosgrove lets Sal read after their shared mis-adventure (with Jane Siegel) into Bert Cooper's office to view the Rothko painting hung upon his wall. And there's a lot of 'gold violins' in this episode. (If a gold violin is an object of unattainable beauty which is, ultimately, useless.) And the hateful Jimmy Barrett drops the dime on Don and Mrs. Barrett's affair to Betty.

Firstly, we've got Jane Seigel, who is Ken's 'gold violin'. She effortlessly brushes his flirtations off the whole episode, without seeming rude or offended. I like how she sweet-talks the junior execs into sneaking into Cooper's office to look at his Rothko. She does it for the sheer perverse thrill of breaking a rule. Note how she's the first to leave- ("Mm. Interesting..." she says, disinterested.) Later, Joan confronts her on the little adventure, the claws come out, and Joan fires Jane. Without missing a beat, Jane goes to Roger Sterling to 'say goodbye', and plays Roger off against Joan. Looks like she's Roger's 'gold violin' too.

And Ken's Sal's 'gold violin'. While Ken connects with Sal over their appreciation of the Rothko and Sal's complement of Ken's writing, it's pretty evident Sal's developing a crush on Ken. (He keeps the lighter that Ken accidentally left.) I feel so sorry for Sal's wife, though. (And I'm glad the detail of whether Kitty was Sal's wife or girlfriend was cleared up...)

Even though Jimmy Barrett's the cuckold in Don and Bobbi's affair, I can't help but despise him through and through. I get the impression that his professional life feeds on the misery in his private life. His relationship with his wife is strictly business, the price of his success having to endure his wife sleeping around with their professional contacts. His humiliation feeds the latent hostility in his 'act', he gets more success, his wife/agent meets more contacts... He's in a loop. You can feel the glee in his voice when he tells off Don near the end of the episode.

One more 'Gold Violin'. Don's brand new Cadillac. ("You see that little sensor?" he boasts to Betty. "It dims the headlights automatically whenever another car's ahead.") It's a subconscious act of revenge on her part when she throws up in it after Barrett rats out Don to her on Don's infidelity...

I think Don bought the car not just for its status, ("Of course, you already walk about in elegance!" exclaims the Cadillac salesman to a dapper Don.) but to remove himself further from Dick Whitman. An early flashback in the showroom shows a younger Don as an unsuccessful used car salesman, having his 'Don Draper' persona busted by a woman from the real Don Draper's past.



"A Night to Remember" Ep. 8

Peggy's relationship with young Father Gil deepens, Don's attempt to ingratiate Sterling Cooper with Heineken's as a client backfires on the home front, and Joan's shot at a lateral promotion fizzles out.

At this point, anyone who hasn't been watching 'Madmen' from the beginning is shit out of luck. My advice: Thank God for the first season DVD. And, er, other sources... (There's a TORRENT of 'em out there, if you get my drift...)

-When I say Peggy and Father Gil's relationship deepens, I don't mean I think they'll start a romantic relationship. I'm hoping Peggy can find a true confidante. (If I were Peggy, I wouldn't trust Draper as far as I could throw him. Though he does come across as the perfect mentor for her at work.) I can't put my finger on it, but I'm sure Gil's compassion for Peggy is genuine, and not just a priest doing his 'Christian' duty. Maybe it's his Jesuit get-up.

-Betty's suspicions about Don's philandering come to a head after she feels humiliated. When Don explains to the Heineken rep he invited to dinner at his home how he 'tricked' Betty into buying Heineken beer for their little get-together, it's the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. Though the rep's wife probably left more of an impression on everyone else at the dinner.

-"Crab, Duck. Duck, Crab!" You know Roger loved giving that introduction to Duck and Crab, the Heineken rep.

-Here's the odd thing about the world of advertising: While Joan is good at reading t.v. scripts for Harry, she's not the right person for the job, as the clients notice her first, and not the work. However, Peggy's rise at Sterling-Cooper is in part to her mousy appearance. That is, clients see the work first, then her.

-It's seeing Jimmy Barrett's Utz potato chip ad on the television that's the final straw for Betty. Despite Don's cool demeanor, and Betty's inability to find any evidence of Don's cheating in his home office, she throws him out of the house. The final shot of this episode has Don at Sterling-Cooper at the company kitchen, getting a bottle of Heineken out of the fridge.


Mad Men Ep. 9 "Six Weeks Leave"

Betty spirals into depression and apathy over her and Don's split, which leads her to cut off a potential avenue for revenge against Don. Freddy Rumsen's bladder faux-pax turns into a promotion for Peggy. A drunken send-off for Freddy leads to Roger's surprising revelation.

Don Draper is a tragic hero in the classic sense. That is, while he does the right thing almost every step of the way-technically, it was Bobbie Barrett who seduced him- he still winds up making a mess of things. For example, Don's attempt to connect with Roger at the bar leads to Roger misinterpreting Don and leaving his wife for his secretary. And Don's attempt to save Freddy Rumsen's job only convinces Roger even more so that Freddy's a liability for Sterling-Cooper. And finally, Don's attempt to reconcile with Betty only antagonizes her worse. They'll reconcile eventually, maybe not this season, but given the Draper's social class, and how the divorced mom last season was looked down upon, Don and Betty will get back together, if only for 'the sake of the children'...

-It was a neat little touch how Betty engineered setting up her riding buddy Francine with the preppy guy who's been mooning over her this season. It removes the temptation from her, and it gives her moral leverage against Don, in her own mind.

-Marilyn Monroe's suicide sets the mood for this episode. Watching the women in the office grieving while the men make neutral comments reminded me of the schism between the sexes when Princess Diana died. Note the black elevator operator's comment on Marilyn's suicide: "Some people can be hidden in plain sight." It's Roger's lack of empathy towards Joan's grief that infuriates her. And, I suspect, starts the ball rolling for Roger to leave his wife.

-I was surprised at how sad I was when Sterling-Cooper cut Freddy loose. He's a buffoon like Pete Campbell, sure. But unlike Pete, he was genial and harmless. It was the junior executives mean comments about his losing control of his bladder that made me empathize with him when Don tore a strip off them for their cruelty. Given Don's past, there's an added layer of meaning when he snarls, "Just a man's name, right?"

-Though Salvatore's look when Freddy gives him a heaping glass of booze is priceless.

-To make matters worse, Freddy's loss is Peggy's gain. Remember, it was Freddy who pushed Peggy into a junior copywriter's slot at Sterling-Cooper. And let's face it, doesn't devout Catholic Peggy have enough guilt on her plate already? Don's solemn promotion of Peggy (and Peggy's immediate dressing-down of Pete) makes it look like there's going to be a Pete-Duck vs. Don-Peggy rivalry in the office. Which makes me think: Given Pete's complete contempt for 'sloppy drunks', how do you think he's going to react to Duck once Duck falls off the wagon again?

-While I liked seeing Don belt Jimmy Barrett in the mouth at the illicit gambling club, Jimmy's sudden appearance seemed a little too neat.

-Roger and Don go for a nightcap after seeing Freddy off. (And what a sad scene! "No, what am I going to do?" laments Freddy after Don's lame reassurances.) where Roger tries to crowbar open Don's defenses. He doesn't get too far- Don references his punching Barrett as "a real Archibald Whitman maneuver", which tells us more about Don than it does to Roger. It's Don's line about how 'life moves in only one direction- forward' that has tragic consequences for Roger and Don.

-The tragic consequences being, of course, Roger's wife confronting Don the next morning about Don's exhorting Roger to leave her for 'his secretary'. Given Joan's curt rejection of Roger's advances earlier, and Don's secretary Jane's tears, I have to assume that Roger, did in fact, help himself to a heaping slice of Jane after all.

"Maidenform"

Madmen Season 2, Ep. 6- "Maidenform"

Don't know how I missed all the 'mirror' leitmotifs in this episode- Kudos to Noel Murray of the 'Onion A.V. club' for pointing 'em out. This episode has Don punishing himself -and Bobbie!- for his lying. Meanwhile, Peggy tries to get in the boy's club and starts to take Bobbie's advice from last episode to heart, and we get to look into the life of Duck Phillips...

So, first we have Don. When him and the family are at a country club Memorial Day bar-b-que, he stands up quite uncomfortably when the M.C. asks all the veterans to stand in recognition of 'all the brave men who won't be eating ribs today'. (What a great line!) So he goes running off to Bobbie hoping she'll help him forget who he is. Big mistake, as Bobbie keeps reminding him of the past when she starts talking about her son and daughter. He ties an excited Bobbie to the bed, then when she hints about his reputation as a 'ladies' man', he angrily gets dressed and leaves her there, much to her horror. The episode ends when Don's daughter watches him shave, then says, "I won't talk anymore." Don remembers his asking Bobbie to stop talking, then slumps onto the toilet in self-loathing. The camera pulls out to reveal his reflection in the bathroom mirror.

Peggy's education into the ad men business continues as she plots to become one of the boys. As Joan points out, 'I never got as far as you, so I wouldn't know what to tell you, dear.', when Peggy comes to her for advice. While she's writing the actual work, it's Paul Kinsey and Don who take the credit, much to her chagrin. Not that it matters, as the Maidenform execs decide that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. (Well, they decided that on the way to Sterling-Cooper, but went through the meeting out of obligation.) It's not a total loss, as the Maidenform guys generously treat the S.C. execs to a night on the town at a burlesque bar. Peggy shows up in a low-cut dress and ingratiates herself into the party. Much to Pete's disapproval. (or is that renewed interest?)

Finally, I got what I wanted last week, that is, a little more insight into the misery of Duck Phillip's world. His ex-wife is getting remarried, his kids don't have a lot of respect for him, and the only member of his family who's pleased to see him is his dog, Chauncey. After the debacle of the American Airlines pitch, and the inertia of the Maidenform one, Duck winds up doing a triple gainer somersault off the wagon. What drives the point home is the way he abandons Chauncey on Madison Ave after the dog watches him struggle with a bottle in one of the art guys' office.

-After spending the episode getting emasculated by his brother and Peggy, Pete picks up a model from the Maidenform tryouts and goesback to her place. Which she shares with her mother. Egad. Pete and the girl make out to a T.V. show waxing poetic about America's air superiority. When he heads back home, he smugly regards himself in the mirror. I so wanted his wife to bust him just then. (...'And is that perfume I smell on you, Peter Campbell?'...)

-No, Pete. As a matter of fact, Duck is right. Bringing a dog into the office is a stupid idea. You oaf. (I just had a thought. Do you think Freddy Rumsen is Peter in fifteen years? And is Duck what Don will become in five? Discuss.)

-Peggy's looking better and better as the season continues. Joan's right about her fashion sense, though. She started to display some style in the beginning, but went back to her schoolmarm look in the middle.

-speaking of Joan, she's looking a little broader in the beam these days too. Methinks her impending marriage is killing her desire to be a sex kitten. Least, that's what I'm hoping. I hope it's not actress Christina Hendricks puttin' on the pounds...

-Man, Betty looks good in that bathing suit! On the topic of female flesh on parade, -and there's a lot of it in this episode- How hard must it have been to cast women now who have that specific body type that was so popular in the early sixties? (You know, the wide hips and slight pooch below the belly button?)

-Something about that model that Pete went home with struck me as 'off'. Her line about coming back from London struck me as a lie, considering that she lives with her mom. Also, she seemed to be trying too hard to be more sexy than she is. Compare her with Bobbie, Betty, and Joan, who come across as effortlessly sexy.

-Don's treatment of Bobbie is going to bite him in the ass, big-time. Either she's going to make his life a living hell in the months to come, or her husband is. And from what I saw of next week's previews, it could be both.

-Dig that old Spanish-American war vet in the corner, precariously tottering up on his crutches!

-That opening song is The Decemberist's 'The Infanta', by the way.